guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
