chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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