if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
