Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
