Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We left the knife in your bed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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