He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
