you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
