forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
