my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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