the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
