there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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