It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
