Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
