You made me cry and you don't even care
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
