this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
