oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
