someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
