I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
