Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
