If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
