Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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