I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
