I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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