Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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