I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
