soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize