he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
