Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
