Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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