I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
