Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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