I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
