Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
