...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
