; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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