you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
