He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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