it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
