She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize