Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
