I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
