The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
