somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
