She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
