is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
