I feel great
I just peed on a car
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
