It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
