I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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