she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
