I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
