Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize