There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
