I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
