Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
