You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize