chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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