awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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