I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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