Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
