jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
