I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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