trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
