Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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