Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize