I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
