Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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