im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
