Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
