Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
