Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
