Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
