Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hippo gnu deer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
