It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
