found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
