since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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