if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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