My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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