why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That accounts for only three of the penises
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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