i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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