Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
