69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
