You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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