He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize