i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
