I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
